DUMBER THY STUDENTS, SMARTER THE TEACHER!

Today is teacher’s day. So this post is dedicated to the teacher-student relationship. I have to admit it’s not a post that puts teachers in the limelight. If any teacher of mine gets to read this, please take no offense, for this is just an observation I have made through all the years of student life. Since I, till very recently was a student myself I think it’s entirely appropriate for me to speak on behalf of the students.

Every teacher needs to be a good analyst, because a major portion of a teachers working (and non working) hours is spend analyzing. Analyzing students, analyzing answer papers, analyzing changes in the subject etc. etc. Now time to time they do a self analysis to see how good they are in the business of ‘passing on the education'. Most of them have their own mysterious techniques for this process. Many rate themselves based on their student’s performance, and strangely a few on the under performance of their students.

They make sure that it’s almost impossible for someone to pass their papers. They teach in frequencies much above their student’s levels, making points just clear enough for the students to realize that the teacher knows his/her stuff but never getting it themselves. This phenomenon is noticed even in the best institutes of the world, famous for their well-regarded teachers.

I wonder what makes teachers this way, is it the sadistic nature in them or a superiority complex (though I never understood that word, I mean why would you get a complex for being superior?). Maybe they do it to encourage students to try harder or make them realize they have a long way to go. But most often (I speak with experience) what happens is these teachers are considered a big joke by their students. Students think “Screw it, anyways he/she’s going to flunk me, so why bother”.

Well maybe seeing your students fall badly makes you feel better about yourself. The student community is all cheers for you and would love to spread your name world wide, but if only we could understand what you were really trying to say.

PS: I thank all my teachers who helped me become a better person.

Fantasy Mike

' Only in America can a cute black boy with a big fat nose turn into a delicate pretty white woman with no nose at all'. That was just one of the many jokes i have heard about the rightly labeled 'king of pop' Michael Jackson. So the half man-half woman turned 50 this Friday, and how did he choose to celebrate it? He spend the day watching cartoons at home with his 3 children. Not a party fit for king, but atleast the kids aren't complaining.

Michael is said to have had a very trying childhood, controlled by
his dominating father. But he is a perfect example of a child prodigy. At the tender age of 6 he was lead singer to the band 'Jackson 5' and the media has been religiously following his life since the 'ABC' days. the band even had a cartoon series on them at the time.

The boy grew up to be a world wide star. His albums like thriller, bad, dangerous were instant hits. The music industry grew with Michael, but not the boy inside him. His greatest regret to this day is missing out on a normal happy childhood, which he blames on his parents. To compensate this he decided never to grow up, to relive his childhood as an adult.

He got an estate for himself, named it 'Neverland', converted it into an amusement park and filled it with zoo animals. He was constantly seen hanging out with pre-teen boys (which was another reason for controversy in his life). During his brighter days there was no one even remotely qualified to beat him at his job. To top it all he married Lisa Marley Presley, the daughter of Elvis Presley. oh what a lovely fairytale it all was, until...

His life was filled with controversy and rumors. Even at the peak of his career, during his 'thriller' days there talks of surgeries being done 'to lighten the skin'. There were alleged stories that he was taking female hormones to keep up the pitch and avoid facial hair. then later to reclaim his 'male' title he was rumored to have transplanted some hair to own a Goatee (i shudder think where he got the hair from).

Then there was the great controversy over the child molestation charges. This really broke his heart (or him?), he couldn't take the limelight anymore. It converted him into the whining, weeping, hurt, abused , misunderstood victim. his constantly shrinking nose, and skin that gets paler by the day never failed to get the attention it deserved. The time he decided to give his 11 month old son a peak into the wild, horrible world by dangling him off a hotel window didn't go well with child activists. The man has had it rough for more than a decade now. During his crazy days he was lovingly referred to a 'Wacko Jacko' by the media.

But all things apart i do remember the good old days. I remember the time when no party survived without Michael's music. I remember the time when dance meant Michael's moves especially the moon walk, I've seen a million people, professional dancers included who have tried to imitate the moon walk, but none have got close to the master. I remember the time my sister and myself used to scream every time his videos were shown on TV (and we were hardly 10 then) . I remember the days when people believed a skin problem caused his color change and even sympathized with him. I remember the days he came for interviews with that infectious smile, when he didnt have to cover his nose (which is almost non-existent now) during public appearances. The days he had hit after hit, broke record sales and let his music do the talking.

So on his 50th birthday i was expecting him to do something crazy but predictable. Maybe come out with a new album or adopt a child or announce a world tour. But no, as usual he stunts us by doing something very unstar like by spending time with his kids. But the funny part is even that is news. Well what to say except that michael you never stop to amuse us, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

MR. CROW FOR NATIONAL BIRD?

Let me launch the two main characters of the scene ‘The crow” and ‘The peacock’. Now no Indian needs an introduction to the crow for haven’t we all grown up listening to poetry and songs about the mother crow and her cheerful little family. Day after day we ignore a million crows that happen to cross on our way and shoo them away on every opportunity we get. Then coming to the beautiful peacock which maybe only 5% of Indians have seen face to face, that too caged in the zoos and which today faces a threat of extinction. Now why bring these two drastically different creations of nature together? For we shall just look into the irony of the fact that the peacock is the national bird of India, when the crow is better suited for the title.

Statistically speaking how many of us have seen peacocks. The last time I saw a peacock was in my childhood during those few visits to the zoo that my father thought was necessary to teach me the diversity of nature. But in the end the total number of this beautiful gift of nature that I have seen is no more than a handful. On the other hand, I like many of my fellow countrymen wake up to the call of a crow and every one knows that the great ‘Kaliya’ is more than just an alarm clock.

The crow has done its share in garbage management for free. Thanks to the crow, many generations of Indian housewives dint need to worry about disposing the little food waste of the household. For all they had to do was to toss it into their backyards and trust our very own hero to do the rest of the job. If it wasn’t for the crow I fear to think what would happen with all those piling dead bodies of rats, unattended decaying garbage and casual trash disposed on our streets. Yes, I agree it’s disgusting to watch that bunch of crows fighting over a rotting carcass but in the long run many such bunches of crow have helped avoid many a epidemic from breaking out.

The crow also plays a vital role in a traditional Hindu ceremony performed for the benefit of the dead. Here, food is offered to the crow which represents the dead ancestors and the acceptance of this food by the crow assures that the ancestors souls are in peace. There is no doubt that the peacock is certainly a pretty bird and the elaborate courtship dance of the male, fanning out the tail and preening its feathers, is indeed a gorgeous sight. On the contrary the crow is a very ugly bird and there is no romance attached to watching a crow go on about its daily activities.

Symbolically the peacock represents an egoistic and stubborn bird, aware of its splendid beauty and too proud to include the other birds in its league for this very reason, while the crow represents a humble, hardworking, modest bird that’s got no complaints. The peacock is a delicate bird that needs to be protected and taken care of unlike the ‘rough Indian’ image, whereas the crow is a tough bird that can take care of itself no matter what circumstance it is put into.

So I would like to ask all fellow Indians, isn’t the ‘national bird’ or ‘national animal’ or national anything for that matter supposed to be the best around, the one that has given us enough reasons to be proud of it. Or is it just a beauty pageant crown given to the contestant that literally shines out in the crowd? I mean isn’t that contrary to all Indian teachings of ‘how inner beauty always beats outer beauty’ and ‘what matters is not what your made of but what’s inside and what comes out of it’. Growing up in India I have witnessed the great activities and thereby acquired a particular respect for the crow and think its high time we honored this legendary hero!

Imagine theres no Religion

"Imagine theres no religion,
it's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace..."
Ok those were just a few lines made famous by John Lennon ( yes the sober Beatles guy) in his song 'Imagine'. Now while we have that on one side, on the other we have people screaming Holy war, jihad, crusades, Holocaust, blah, blah, blah. So that led me thinking, why can’t we just have something in between.

Well talking about Lennon's lyrics I wonder if those were the great words of a realist who could see beyond time and pictured the perfect united world minus the religious controversies or was is just the words of an atheist trying to justify his decision. Growing up in a so called 'secular' country I've seen people of different religions living together in harmony and I've also heard of religious riots break out within the country. Now I've personally witnessed many a 'dialogues' that had every potential to erupt a small scale holy war. For instance take the words of the little boy teasing his Muslim classmate by saying 'hey Paki, are all your leaders terrorists?' or the jokes cracked on the ‘animal like Hindu gods’ , people swearing at the good catholic girl because some priest of ‘her kind’ was found to be a gay paedophile. Not to forget the innumerable ‘turbaned’ Sardar jokes.

Then I would also like to mention the evening talks between college students on whose religion and whose sect was right and whose was the most comical and absurd of the lot. No, this is not something restricted to the religious passionate ones, for even the atheistic Hindu, agnostic Muslim, the unbelieving Christian and the confused Buddhist does not stay away from these adrenaline pumped discussions.

The question is what makes people fight over religion when most religions preach love, brotherhood and compassion? Could it be because the same religions mildly say ‘defend your faith’? Now are we using this ‘defense’ as an excuse to fight or are we just using faith and religion as an excuse to lease the animal inside us. Yes I agree basically we are all animals, but then religion is a product of civilization right, so are we contradicting our ancestors and ourselves?

This ‘fighting to defend’ saga reminds me of the respected martial art, karate. Any idiot knows that karate is supposed to be a technique of defense and not attack, but then there’s no denying that 99% of those seeking to learn karate do it so that they can kick some ass!

Now lets think in Lennon’s frequency and try to picture a ‘religionless world’. I see an end to ‘swearing for god’, along with which I see emptiness, selfishness and an abrupt ending to everything around. We do have good people around, but there’s no denying that most of the ‘goodness’ and ‘selflessness’ comes from a belief of a life after death.

Yes every good deed is seen as an investment to the life to come, every sacrifice a bonus, every charitable contribution an insurance, every forgiving act as a compensation for our own mistakes. All these we do in the hope that the one above, the power, spirit, leader, father, judge, creator is watching and playing the role as the fair referee. Most charitable foundations and peacekeeping institutions do it in the name of god.

So what if suddenly we were to believe there was nothing of the sort and no judgment to come. I fear to think what would to happen to all the good Samaritans, would they think ‘I need to do my job immaterial of whether it’s going to be rewarded so that in the end I can say to my conscience that I lived a good life, or will it be ‘screw all, a bum or a saint is treated the same and rots to dust in the end, so might as well have a good time’. Well even theoretically I can’t imagine what would be the case.

Is that what our ancestors were doing when they created all those religions? Was it so that we would have a reason to believe in something beyond all this, a special friend we count on at all times, something to hold on too when the going seems tough and future looks bleak. If so it disgusts me to see how we have altered their plan to feed our blood thirsty appetites.

god Phelps those who Phelp themselves

ok i wake up in the mornin, go ahead and do my ritual of turning on th TV and switching channels..and what do i see..?
this tall guy with a really broad chest smiling in one channel and swimming in the next..
8 gold medals in the Olympics..
god what do they feed these ‘unique pieces’..
i mean seriously here we are erupting with joy over one dude who won one gold and there they have this stud named Michael Phelp who's like paddling his way to grab the gold in every event he involves himself in...talk about being greedy.

Now seriously speaking im wondering what to call him, some news channel lovingly calls him “the aqua gladiator”..but if you ask me thats too cheesy. So im scanning my brain for the fastest fish i know...and then the truth dawns..i dont know of any such fish.
yes i could run a google search on the same .But never mind , Phelp is an interesting name.Kinda funny but it gives a certain impact ,so phelp will stay.

he was supposed to be a hyperactive kid once upon a time..and that gives me hope. Coz yeah a lotta people including family and friends say im way too hyperactive..but suddenly truth No. 2 dawns upon me, 'IM NOT A KID ANYMORE'.. all rite so maybe its time to grow up.On second thoughts, not really i like it this way..ok im sorry if i have managed to make this something about me, cause that was really against my humble intentions. For all i wanted to say was Rock On Phelps, continue your romance with the Hydrosphere as long as you can, while we sigh with wonder.

PS: i cant swim :(

Bye Bye musharraf

Ok now let me get this straight, I'm not a very political person myself. But occasionally I do enjoy a few laughs following the comically mysterious lives of politicians all over. But the talks on impeaching Mr. Pervez Musharraf sure did pull a few strings, after all hes no stranger to me.

I remember the last time an impeachment was debated about, yeah the yankee president Bill clinton. But then again that sure was an interesting story with enough gossip and rumors to fit a Hollywood movie, and the climax where the heroine came out with a biography on her side of the story was dramatically perfect to say the least.

Now I'm not really sure of Mr Musharraf story, but I know there are cartloads of allegations on his head and the only reason he's quiting is he knows that this time he screwed himself pretty bad. I mean he's not a dumb bloke you see, in spite of not being a popular person in the country he led, he did lead it for 8 years. That indeed is a long time for one man.

I remember how the Pakistanis swore at him every time he tied hands with the big American political names especially Mr. Bush, the one one we all love to hate. Hardly a year back many accusing fingers pointed Musharraf's way when the confident PPP presidential candidate, Benazir Bhutto was assassinated.

But I have to agree that he did manage to constantly stay in the news though of course it was usually for the wrong reasons. He once said ' I will defeat those who try to push me to the wall', but I guess we know who was pushed and who was defeated.

Now the great honourable man has decided to preserve whatever honour he has left by resigning by himself to avoid the inevitable impeachment.So at this juncture I would like to say, bye bye Musharraf, thanks for entertaining us while you did.

Shooting Star wins Olympic Gold – Chak De India!

Someone once said that ‘Cricket is the only sport that matters in India’. If you agree to that I’m sorry to say that you are wrong. I see every chance that India is going to loose the ongoing cricket test against Sri Lanka. But I don’t care. Neither does the rest of India. Yes on any ordinary day there would’ve been plenty of cursing and crying over it. But not today, not today. For today there is a new kid on the block to fuss over, a new Hero. A real one. The hero has a name and that is Abhinav Bindra. What is his extraordinary feat? This shooter just won India its 1^st ever individual gold in the history of Olympics at the Beijing Olympics.

The last time India won an Olympic gold was in 1980. So that means it has taken a long 28 years of wait since the nation tasted that kind of victory and this definitely calls for a Desi celebration. As I watch the post win press conference of this young man I cant help but conclude that he has a healthy sense of humor and is just your humble next-door boy that every Indian mother would love to get their daughters married to.. I’m wondering how great a moment is this in terms of Indian Sport. It strikes me that this could be rated the greatest till date, even higher than the 1983 World cup win. I mean the world cup was just a contest between a handful of countries, however in the Olympics we are talking about global competition in the real sense of it with almost all nations participating in it.

I’m not much of a sportsperson myself, but I know the weight of this incident and can only imagine the impact it is going to have on the nation. For overnight this young lad will become a legend, overnight every word he says is going to make headlines. Overnight every politician is going to start preaching promises of investing more money in professional Shooting. Overnight every kid in India will idolize this hero. Overnight India will be filled with delight and more importantly hope.

As I go through his earlier feats and begin to understand how hard he had to train to reach here I see a lot of potential in him. A lot of potential to keep going on for long. But as I watch this confident 25 yr old young man on the victory stand with his shy smile, fair skin, neat haircut, cute nerd looks supported with his spectacles I see another potential in him too. One that could work out for the better or for the worse. The potential to be seen endorsing mobile phones and health drinks. The potential to be the poster boy in every teenage Indian girl’s bedroom. A potential to fall prey to the celebrity lifestyle we Indians so often offer our sports heroes.

But then that’s all a thing of the future and for the moment as you said yourself Abhinav, today is your day, so enjoy every moment of it. You have made the nation proud and more importantly given us faith to “believe in India”. You are indeed our “Shooting Star’. As for the rest of the Indian team in Beijing all we have to say is “Give us another one, just like the other one”.

Witnessing evolution

Now when I say evolution I know what most people think of. Could be those programme’s they show on the discovery channel of the noisy chimpanzee growing into the hunchbacked ape man which finally becomes the erect (no pun intended) heroic Man himself. Those with good memories are gonna remember the good old days in school where they were taught how the algae’s and fungi’s became all the living things we see around. Now the smarter ones with the scientific brains are gonna think of mutation and Darwin. Yes everybody has some idea or the other about evolution. But witnessing evolution? No ways, coz most people believe evolution is done with. It ended with man and everything around us, and there’s nothing to look forward to. And that’s final….Or maybe not. Well maybe, just maybe if we looked around us forgetting the superior “human being ego” we might actually observe some unlikely events that could probably contribute to evolution.

Ok I’m gonna explain this with an example. It’s a true life incident and the hero or the specimen I’m gonna talk about is my own German shepherd, Caesar. Now he’s not a super smart or super sexy dog who’s likely to win a dog show. I mean I’m proud of him but sometimes he can be pretty dumb, like instead being ferocious to strangers he goes on, jumps on them and starts licking them as if they represent his long lost love or something. Now the best part is these people are even dumber and take this to be his attack strategy and start freaking out. So in the end of the day you’ll say the dog does serve his purpose but I only wish he were more organized.

The remarkable event took place on one lazy evening. My parents were going out in the family car and told me to close the gate behind them. I step outside my house to do the same and my dog jumps on me and starts his daily ritual of licking everyone near his reach (I seriously suspect he thinks that his sole purpose in life is this). So I as usual just push him away. But no, he’s not a quitter so he comes again, to get me. I don’t have time for these silly games so I slap him on the face. Twice. Now instead of his typical snapping of teeth or other conventional dog like ways of defending himself he uses his hands (or is it his legs, I mean front forelimb) to beat me back. My parents burst out laughing watching the turn of events while I try to get over the insult. Well no more drama takes place and I manage to put my dog back in his place, his cage.

I’m wondering if it is it possible that my dog was showing signs of evolving into something extraordinary without his own knowledge. I mean wasn’t that how animals started using their limbs which became hands as they evolved into humans. Darwinian theories and Lamarckism claim that adaptation was the basis for most evolutionary changes and evolution came about as a result of acquired adaptations passed on by parents to their offsprings. Just for the record, there were instances were Caesar’s dad (another dog that I owned, not anymore though) used his hands (I mean the same front for limbs) to remove the handle of my gate from its latch. And maybe Caesar’s shunt was his way of adapting to my dominating human behavior.

Now I could be the bossy human and beat him every time he did something like that, till he got the message that he was a dog and not supposed to do those things. But that kinda reminds me of the caste system and I would be standing in the way of natural evolution. Why would I wanna do that? I would like to end by saying “evolution is a continuous and never-ending process that happens everyday” and I’m thankful to Caesar for teaching me that. I sure am proud of you my boy!

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea.

Even as I write this my country is recovering from a Bomb scare. 2 weeks back bombs blasted in different parts of my country like flowers blooming in spring, another stunt from that group of insane sadists better referred to as terrorists. Rumors said that my city would be next (but thankfully nothing came of that rumor). For the same reason my city was on high alert and security during the last week and in between that I had decided to visit my grandma who lived on the other end of the same city. While I was returning home I saw a sight that I had never witnessed or maybe never noticed before.

The bus I was travelling in was going across a bridge that ran over a certain part of the Arabian Sea that I had to cross to get home. Now this was a bridge I had travelled through a million times and as usual I was gazing out the window on my left. I was deep in my own thoughts until I suddenly noticed that the sea looked weird with the water fuzzy and the sky fuming with anger. The air was misty and blurred out all the ship in that direction. This was an unusual sight for me so I turned to my right and ironically the sea was a total contrast here. The water was calmer than ever, the sky was as bright as on any normal sunny day, and the wind just danced with the relaxed mood of the boats sailing across. Now this was a dreamy but boring sight so I returned my focus to the ‘show stopping’ left side. The sea looked awfully dangerous and I slowly started noticing all heads and eyes in the bus turning that way.

I kept looking back and forth from left to right and the calmer it was to my right, the wilder it became on my left. The worst part was it looked like the whole thing (I dint know what to call it) was coming our way. Like the sea was coming on to us with a vengeance, it reminded me of the movie “pirates of the Caribbean”. I had to admit I was scared, I never saw anything like that and I wondered was it a tsunami or a tornado or something worse that my little general knowledge wasn’t aware of.

At that particular juncture it reminded me of life, like heaven was on my right and hell on my left. No matter what you did hell was heading your way and the devil was going to get you some day. No matter if you ran to a safer land (the right) he would still follow you till your forced to surrender.

As the deadly scene kept shifting closer to us the bus conductor started pulling down the sheets that covered the windows (yeah the windows didn’t have doors for some particular reason). We were told to hold the sheets close lest the strong wind take them away and I did exactly that. The thing I saw was the rain coming from that direction, not just ordinary rain but a storm. When it finally got to us, I realized the power of it. The bus wasn’t spared from the drama and water started entering inside through every loophole it could find. I held on to my part of the sheet like my life depended on it and it did save me from getting a free bath from nature. One time I tried to grab the sheet when it slipped from my grip and a speeding bus almost got my hand. But I had no time to get shocked for by now the wind had taken control of the bus too. As the bus swayed to its invisible master people were opening umbrellas to their sides so that the water would stop splashing onto them.

The rollercoaster experience lasted about 10 minutes and then I am not sure if the sea gave up or if it got too tried or got bored or received the intended pleasure, but it calmed down and except for the rain everything else was back to normal.

Well in the end I reached home safe. But if you think of it symbolically you could relate it with the situation I was living in at that point. I mean like the violent sea and the storm represented terrorism. It was almost as if nature was telling me terrorism was going to visit us all, but if we had enough faith, stuck together and had the will to move on we were all going to make it through. So maybe we should all just take the hint and not let this plague eat us!

Friendship day- the real story

Yesterday the whole world celebrated friendship day. Come to think of it I don’t remember any cue and cry over this day when I was a child, its only during my teen years that I was enlightened on the existence of such a day. I wonder how many of us know about the origin and history of this day. Yes like every other special friendship day also had a beginning.

Back in 1935 the world was still living in the stigma and causalities of the World War 1. Pain, hatred and vengeance lived in every person’s heart and countries still had unsettled issues between them. It is at this time that the US congress thought that people needed reasons to be joyful and appreciate whatever they had. So US Congress decided to designate the first Sunday of the month of August as Friendship Day and with a formal proclamation in 1935, officially declared the occasion a holiday dedicated in the honor of friends and friendship. This custom slowly caught on with the rest of the world like everything else. Soon it became a national celebration. In 1997 the United Nation named the cartoon character Winnie the Pooh as the world ambassador of friendship

Friendship day today is incomplete without the gifting of friendship bands to your best friends. These bands signify the invisible bond between the two friends involved. The origin of this tradition could be from the famous " rakhi band " in India that sisters tie on their brothers. The other customs surrounding friendship day are giving away roses, friendship cards, gifts etc which many companies take maximum advantage of. Many would say that the idea of a special day for friends spoils the whole meaning of friendship and makes it a formality. But all said and done there is no doubt that friendship is the most cherishable and popular relationship in the world and I would like to thank all my friends for being there for me whenever they did. Cheers to friendship!!!