Of Hand-written Tests and Horrible Handwritings

Today, I was asked to write something on paper, with a pen. As I read my own musings, I was reminded of a fact I have known as long as I’ve known my ABC – that my handwriting is messier than my vomit (sorry if you just ate).

Why? Why? Why do companies still take tests on paper when there are plenty of free computers around?  Or at least a typewriter for goodness sake. We need to throw all those evaluation sheets out the window. No, not literally, but figuratively. Scoop them all up and hurl them out the window. Hand-written tests are like a conspiracy by calligraphy artists, who ran out of business with technology advancement. Its their scheme to shame those of us who are transcriptionally disabled.

Every time I write something with a pen or pencil for someone else, I feel like I’m exposing a part of my soul. Apart from shunning my atrocious handwriting and swearing beneath their breath as they try to figure out what the hell I've scribbled, I know they are judging me - wondering if I have criminal tendencies, trying to analyse my mental health based on every illegible vowel or assuming my unproportionate letters translates to childhood dreams. If you have done that in the past, all I have to say is STOP! Stop analyzing people’s characters based on their handwriting. You can’t do that, and anyone who claims they can is a big fat liar.  

I remember drooling over my cousin’s handwriting as a kid. No, he was not a pretentious innocent puppy. On the contrary, he was quite a badass at that age. Bunking tuition classes like nobody’s business, driving the car while his parents weren’t home when he was only 13 years old, picking up fights with boys older than him. Yes he was the exact opposite of your stereotypical good child gifted with a good handwriting. But he didn’t have a good one; his handwriting was great. The reason being he had a real gift -- he was an artist and drew awesome action figures while doing his homework.

Its not like I did not try. I did the grind when I had to. Wrote those cursive writing assignments in schools, got beaten with a steel scale (that’s Indian schools in the 90s for you) if I forgot the book at home, and occasionally, I repeat occasionally, got a star or ‘V. Good’ sign (meaning very good) from my teachers. Apart from being a badge of honor, this special star for outstanding calligraphic performances meant you didn’t have to submit that wretched half-page cursive writing assignment the next day (yay, happy dance!).  But in spite of  all that effort I end up with this -- a handwriting that resembles Leonardo DiCaprio’s face after the bear attack in The Revenant (congrats on today’s Oscar Leo!).

The irony is I was asked to write something on online courses and tutoring, a field where technology has revolutionised the way we look at classrooms,  but the only technology I used to convey that message was the fluid technology inside my ball point pen. Taking of which, maybe I should enroll for a online handwriting course. On  second thought, chuck it! I’d rather save up and buy myself a uber-cool drawing pad with a sophisticated stylus and learn to illustrate. Maybe I’ll eventually be able to sketch those action figures my cousin used to when we were pre teens.